i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize