If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
