omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize