4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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