I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
