shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
