So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
