Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
