last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
