I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
