Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
