They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You pole danced in your parka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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