Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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