those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
