I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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