I cannot find my penis.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
