dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
