Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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