if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
