Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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