I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
