I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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