Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
