Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
