You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just blew my weed a kiss
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
