Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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