I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
