We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
