So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
