My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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