my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
