If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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