Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
