i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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