I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
