So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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