She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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