What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
