one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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