I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
