don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
