I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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