Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
