Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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