Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Girls should come with a carfax report
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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