I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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