508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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