Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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