im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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