I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
