You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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