ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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