i need an iv and a liver transplant
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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