Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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