I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
