It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't notice because vodka
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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