booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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