im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
