We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
