do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
