hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
