my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
