I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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