shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
