is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
