I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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