hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
