He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize