Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
