You're completely useless in the revolution.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
